I wrote about my experiences of living in the United States for five weeks and the strangeness of it all.
This past August, I marked 10 years of having been in this country. I can't believe I've lived here for a decade. It's all gone by in a blur. And there are many days where I still feel like I live in a foreign land.
Being a Zambian-Indian-American I don't feel at home anywhere. Zambia is done. India was never really there. And America still feels new. So where is home for me? Currently the closest feeling of home is where my folks live. But when will the idea of my own home settle in so that I don't need to travel to Rolla to feel that?
As you can probably gather, there is a lot of ambivalence about the anniversary, and I'm not sure how I feel. Looking back, I remember those teenage dreams that were idealistic, and that never took into account the real world.
The anniversary has forced me to be more introspective and try to examine what it is I'm looking for and where it is I'm heading. Because I don't want the next 10 years to be a blur. It's quite sad when life is moving too fast so that when you look back, you have to ask yourself, "What the heck did I do these past 10 years?" Sure there were many great things I did and experienced. But why are those memories hard to recall?
I miss the simpler times where time was slow and you could savor each moment so it became ingrained in you mind. I miss those chai at six moments.
Apologies for this all-over-the-place post. I figured a more introspective post would be a good one for your blog reader.
Posted by Jigsha at 9/14/2008 02:58:00 PM | link to entry |